Written in 2022 by Steve Leder, the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, "For You When I Am Gone" is a primer on how to write an ethical will.
When Eddie first got sick I encouraged him to write about his life experiences. Over the course of the next several months, he wrote a few essays. As part of the content, he incorporated his answers to twelve questions posed by Rabbi Leder. The responses to these queries are essential, Leder believes, to telling one's life story and for sharing what we have learned about living a meaningful life.
I think everyone, regardless of age or state of health, would do well to consider these questions and then share the answers with their children and grandchildren. Here they are:
What do you regret?
When was a time you led with your heart?
What makes you happy?
What was your biggest failure?
What got you through your greatest challenge?
What is a good person?
Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
How do you want to be remembered?
What is good advice?
What will your epitaph say?
What will your final blessing be?
What is love?
This was Eddie's answer to how do you want to be remembered?
I wish to be remembered as tall, dark and handsome. For being a good son. I hope I will be remembered as a good father, grandfather, husband and friend. I really hope my dog will remember me and when she does, I hope she wags her tail. When she licks somebody else’s ears, I want her to be reminded of me. I want to be remembered as someone who faced my physical challenges with dignity and determination and tried not to let them prevent me from being a good person and companion to others. It’d be nice if every now and then people would sing the Sam’s Club song and think of me shopping for my well-stocked pantry. I’d like to be remembered as a hard worker, honest, never shying away from responsibilities. Remember me at 3:30 in the morning watching the weather channel. Remember how in love I was with Gloria. I could never have imagined a better partner in life. Even when I’m gone, you can still ask me for advice. Just imagine: What would Eddie do? When I gave you my word, you could take it to the bank. I tried to be ethical in everything I did. I always gave 120% to my employer, even if I was washing dishes or washing cars. Remember me for being generous, helping others. Remember me in the kitchen cooking a meal, in an Armani suit at a lectern, on the couch with Charlie in my lap, in my jeans and boots at the barn, atop a horse in tights and a cape being "Rapid Refund Man," doing the Soupy Sales shuffle, knowing the words to all the Allen Sherman records. Remember me as good listener.
